Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
