Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
