The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
