He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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