Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Boobs are out for the taking
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
