i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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