just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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