She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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