I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize