They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
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