if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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