I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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