Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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