HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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