I'm going to jail i love you
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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