I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
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