its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Define "chronic" masturbator.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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