I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Barsexuality is the new black.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
