There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
