I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
