I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
