my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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