Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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