There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
