doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
