If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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