I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
