My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
her facebook's as public as her vagina
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
