if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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