More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
