He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
