Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
