i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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