dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
