he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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