Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
