all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
