Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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