I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
