You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
