I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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