Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
