he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
