I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
you inspire me to be a worse person
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
