i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
