i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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