this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize
