I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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