Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
