I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
