so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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