just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
