Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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