I think im going to throw up on grandma
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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