I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
