he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I have tasted many bathrooms
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
