it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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