Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
