I will die if light touches me.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
