he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
