Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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