You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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