I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
