If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
i was born a porn star she said
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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