After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
