No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Randomize
