You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
