Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
